Probably one of the most private things in this world is an egg. Until it’s broken.
Until then, you would think that its secrets are its own. White or brown speckled. Until then, what lies within is uncertainty. That’s what M.F.K. Fisher says about eggs.
That’s also what Neil Turok says about living life. About looking at the cosmos. “When we look up at the sky, we are actually seeing inside ourselves”. Neil says to live life in uncertainty. I like that.
And so I pick up an egg. And I say to my heart, I say: be still my heart.
It’s true that separating eggs late at night might have led me to question my relationship with the yolk. It’s also true that poaching eggs might have led to regrets about my breakfast choice entirely. But then big regrets often come from big moments in our life. If you only have one big moment, and it didn’t turn out right, then you are more likely to regret it than if you have lots of big moments. And so I pick up an egg. And I tell my heart to be still.
I pick up an egg, and I crack it all over again. Because we just want more changes to get it right. And this is what living up to my potential is about anyway. It’s about living life being vulnerable. It’s about picking up an egg. It’s about being okay with uncertainty.
And so I pick up an egg and I tell my heart, I say, be still my heart. I drop the egg gently into simmering water. First running cold water over it so it won’t crack, of course. It will cook in this gentle heat. And I will give it as much time as it needs. Because living up to my potential isn’t about crossing things off of my list, it’s about living in uncertainty. And so I drop the egg in gently simmering water and I watch it cook. And I give it as much time as it needs.
There are many different theories about cooking an egg. And I think how we like our egg says a lot about us. This is why when I’m asked the question how I like my egg, I always take direction from Uncle Evans: “dolts should not consort with caring people.” And I say poached.
I drop the egg in gently simmering water and I accept its uncertainty. I trust the yolk will cook with wisdom. And I give it the time it needs. My heart is beating fast. And I remind it to be still. I say, be still my heart.
And so I poach eggs. And they don’t turn out the way I want them to, but then we just want as many chances to get things right. So I pick up an egg. And I crack it again.
And I tell my heart to be still again.
+ Buy meat grinder.
+ Make your own sausage.
+ Make poached eggs. Eat while drinking coffee.
+ Only drink coffee if it can be enjoyed out of a proper mug.
Buy curing salts.
Make your own bacon.
+ Put up new deerhead on wall.
+ Figure out what frame sizes are needed for Ampersand wall and maybe even buy some frames.
+ Buy rubber boot tray.
Put up wine rack.
Put up dot coat rack.
Read We Have Always Lived in The Castle.
+ Finish reading All That is Solid Melts into Air.
Read The Black Prince.
+ Continue reading Me++: The cyborg self and the network city. Continue working on thesis.
Again, attempt to make live active yeast.
+ Try to keep yeast alive. (it died again last time)
+ Make cinnamon bons. (on hold)
Make hot cocoa. Drink with homemade marshmallow.
+ Order cheese making kit.
+ Make Dylan 10 playlist. (in progress)
+ Wear oven gloves. Don’t burn yourself. (ongoing)
+ Buy a gold fish. Name it Wi-Fi. Keep it alive.
+ Take pictures.
+ Re-design this blog.
+ Run. Run. Run. (it’s becoming harder to keep motivated)
+ Don’t panic looking at list.
+ Live life being vulnerable.
+ Don’t focus too much on list.
I look at to-do list. I panic.
And I say to my heart, I say, be still my heart.